Category: Humorous

01/07/10

Just plain weird (and frankly, not all that good)



John Dies at the End New!

by David Wong

Plot Summary:
It's a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly, a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can't.

The Cryptkeeper's review: I couldn't wait to get my hands on this; word-of-mouth promised a heady, hilarious horror romp. Unfortunately, it did not live up to the hype for me. Think Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure meets Ghostbusters (or depending on your frame of reference, maybe “Ghostfacers” a la Supernatural), with Lovecraftian-style monsters, a twist of Rod Serling and a dash of psychotropic drugs to really mess you up. Sounds promising, no? Brilliantly mad? Genius even? The only problem is it falls way short of sustaining the insanity in any meaningful or satisfying way.

It is moderately amusing in places (I smiled but did not laugh out loud). Our heroes are basically doofuses (and that’s the point) but I wasn’t given the opportunity to really invest in them. The plot is outrageous and just too ambitious. It was like "enough already!!! C’mon!!!" Because the entire novel reads like one long, really whacked acid trip, you never know what’s going to happen next. Normal rules just don’t apply. Everything has a dreamlike (nightmarish) quality. That should be a good thing, but in this case I eventually just got terribly bored – oh look, another creature with eyes on stalks and baby arms for legs. Oh jeez, see that jellyfish hanging from the ceiling? Watch out for the wormhole!!!!

This book had sooo much potential and "Wong" certainly has a vivid imagination, but overall, it boils down to a "much ado about not a whole helluva lot".

About the Book:
John Dies at the End started its life as a webserial in 2001 and an estimated 70 000 people read the free online versions before they were removed in September 2008 (Wikipedia.org). While the novel is no longer available online, there's still a pretty hilarious website up and running -- check it out!


10/20/09


Categories: Zombies, FYI, Humorous

So you wanna be a zombie, do you?

Here are some helpful hints
on how to become a zombie ... without actually being bit by one!

1. wikiHow - How to Look Like a Zombie

2. How to make a zombie costume with make-up

3. How to make zombie make-up

4. How to do zombie make-up

5. Video results for zombie make-up (Google Videos)

If you are venturing out into zombie territory this Halloween, don't forget to watch this safety video brought to you by the guys from Common Craft - Zombies in Plain English.

The Cryptkeeper


09/16/09

Brilliant horror mash-up -- hilarity meets dread



John Dies at the End Coming Soon!

by David Wong

Wong is like a mash-up of Douglass Adams and Stephen King... 'page-turner' is an understatement. --Don Coscarelli, Bubba Ho-tep (director)

John Dies At the End has a cult following for a reason: it's horrific, thought-provoking, and hilarious all at once. This is one of the most entertaining and addictive novels I've ever read. --Jacob Kier, Permuted Press

Plot Summary:
It's a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly, a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can't.

The Cryptkeeper says: I can't wait to get my hands on this, it sounds absolutely hilarious!!! ... and dreadful, a perfect blend of horror-comedy reminiscent of Shaun of the Dead. John Dies at the End started its life as a webserial in 2001 and an estimated 70 000 people read the free online versions before they were removed in September 2008 (Wikipedia.org). While the novel is no longer available online, there's still a pretty hilarious website up and running -- check it out!


08/18/09


Categories: News, Zombies, FYI, Humorous

BBC News reports: "Science ponders 'zombie attack' "


If zombies existed - an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively, scientists say.
Click here for further reading.




07/10/09


Categories: Humorous

Modern Vintage Movie Posters

May's Comment: What exactly is modern vintage? It is an illustration style that mixes vintage poster elements with modern techniques to get a result that should remind you of those 1920's and 1930's posters. While reading one of my favorite Sci-Fi blogs, I stumbled across a post praising Tom Whalen's artwork so I checked out his website DeviantART and was just fascinated by some of his illustrations. But don't just take my word for it. Check out his gallery yourself and let me know which one is your favorite. P.S. To see a larger view of any of the above images, just click on the image which are hyperlinked to Whalen's website.


07/08/09

Tagline trivia!



There's a real art to coming up with sassy, smart taglines -- you know, those clever one liners attached to a movie's promotion. The best of them are little gems, and perfectly encapsulate a movie's essence. A tagline should be descriptive, yet subtle; tongue-in-cheek is always appreciated, bad puns are not. When a great film meets a memorable tagline, magic happens. I love these things, and in my next life I'm planning on coming back to write them!

How's your tagline trivia? Do you remember taglines better than the actual movie titles? Here are my favourite all-time horror taglines.
Can you name the movie?

Have fun!

1. To avoid fainting keep repeating: it's only a movie, it's only a movie ANSWER

2. When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth ANSWER

3. In space, no one can hear you scream ANSWER

4. Don’t give away the ending…it’s the only one we have ANSWER

5. This is the weekend they didn’t play golf ANSWER

6. Herbert West has a very good head on his shoulders...and another one in a dish on his desk ANSWER

7. The night HE came home ANSWER

8. Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. ANSWER

9. Sister, sister, oh so fair, why is there blood all over your hair? ANSWER

10. Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven ANSWER

11. See it before you go swimming ANSWER

12. If Nancy doesn't wake up screaming, she won't wake up at all ANSWER

13. To enter the mind of a killer she must challenge the mind of a
madman ANSWER

14. ...and remember, the next scream you hear may be your own ANSWER

15. Last year the lucky ones died first.
On March 23rd the lucky ones die fast ANSWER

The Cryptkeeper


06/13/09


Categories: FYI, Humorous, Blogs

Check This Out!

I love this! What a cool idea for a blog post :-D

Check out the Evil on Two Legs horror blog for a Virtual Terror Tour. Awesome!

"...i've used google maps to travel to several horror movie related locales, most of which you'll instantly recognize. from the now almost unrecognizable and physically relocated myers' house from halloween to the deadly steps from the exorcist located just a few miles from where i live, i think i've hit several of the most iconic locations in horror history".


06/02/09


Categories: Zombies, Staff Picks, Humorous

I've got zombies on the brain

These are a few of my favourite (zombie) things...



Dawn of the Dead (1978) George A. Romero zombie classic!

Dawn of the Dead (2004) Remake of Romero's classic. Truly frightening and gory!

Shaun of the Dead (2004) Zombie homage film that's become an instant classic




[REC] (Spain 2007)

The Cryptkeeper says:
Remade into 2008's Quarantine starring Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter, The Exorcism of Emily Rose), [REC] is by far the much stronger film. It's an energetic, nail-biting, "found footage" zombie film, a wicked combination right? If you hate shaki-cam then this movie is not for you because the whole thing is from the p.o.v of a person trapped in the action. But for once, I really liked this approach (which usually gets on my last nerve, i.e. Cloverfield)


Video: Zombies in Plain English

Those guys from CommonCraft are at it again...this time they tackle the perilous subject of zombies and simplify it so that we may all benefit from a better understanding of the walking dead. Genius and hysterical! Check it out!



The Zombie Survival Guide (2003)
Complete Protection from the Living Dead

by Max Brooks

The Cryptkeeper says: I love this delicious parody of a survival guide in which Max Brooks' prepares us humans for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain. The New York Post calls it: "A tome you start reading for fun and then at page 50 you go out and buy a machete just to be on the safe side!"

Max Brooks' Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.




World War Z: An oral history of the zombie war

by Max Brooks

The Cryptkeeper says:
Love it! Chronicles the outbreak of a zombie "virus" spreading across the globe. Absorbing apocalyptic writing that's destined to become an enduring horror classic.

Reviews:
"Possesses more creativity and zip than entire crates of other new fiction titles. Think Mad Max meets The Hot Zone ... It’s Apocalypse Now, pandemic-style. Creepy but fascinating." --USA TODAY

"Prepare to be entranced by this addictively readable oral history of the great war between humans and zombies....Will grab you as tightly as a dead man’s fist. A." --Entertainment Weekly, EW Pick

"A sober, frequently horrifying and even moving account....Brooks has delivered a full-blown horror novel, laced with sharp social and political observations and loads of macabre, gruesome imagery.... The real horror of World War Z comes from the all-too-plausible responses of human beings and governments to the menace." --Fangoria

Can't get enough of zombies? Click here to find everything zombies at RPL!

The Cryptkeeper


05/11/09


Categories: What's New, Zombies, Humorous

Jane Austen and zombies???

Coming Soon!


Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2009)

The Classic Regency Romance -
Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

The Cryptkeeper says: Whether you are a fan of the Jane Austen classic or a fan of zombies, here is a delightful mash-up sure to please everyone from all walks of the living (and Un-living)!


Plot Summary:
As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.


04/08/09

British flick bloody, gory fun

Another bloody office outing


Severance (2006)

Directed by Christopher Smith
Starring Danny Dyer

Product Description: Working 9 to 5 can be a real killer, but team building vacations can sometimes be worse. Seven employees of an international weapons manufacturer are left stranded and must fend for themselves. The retreat turns deadly as the colleagues discover they are the target of a crazed and vengeful enemy. Forget office politics, only lucky will survive this deadly and bloody office outing.

The Cryptkeeper says: This one looks too funny to pass up. One reviewer describes it as: "The Office meets The Hills Have Eyes". Severance is essentially a British slasher movie and that's a rarity isn't it? If it's only half as good as Shaun of the Dead, then count me in. I'm a sucker for horror-comedies anyway. This one comes with a gore warning though!

Dan Chant over at BloodyDisgusting.com describes Severance as: "a very different type of horror that’s both slick and gory while combining a satirical comedic twist." He goes on to say the movie: "goes straight for the jugular and combines an odd, but outstanding, mix of jump scares, all-out gore and self-referential laughs that haven’t been seen, or outdone, since the fantastic Shaun of the Dead. From the opening scene featuring an armed and dangerous madman stalking a helpless local to tributes to Deer Hunter, Nosferatu and other famous names from cinema’s legendary canon, the film turns horror conventions on their head and offers the expected level of gore offset with a malevolent and ironic smile."


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